Alright, so recently I’ve been watching this really cool show, because my girlfriend got it on DVD. It’s called the Throne Game. It’s mostly about sex and death and not trusting witches that eat babies. There is a main plot, though, which is that there is this game that everyone’s playing and it takes ages and if you win, you get the throne, but if you lose you get death. Sounds like a bummer. Anyways there are, like, six people playing and they’re called the “candidates” like the Apprentice or something, and one of them will win, eventually. My favourite candidate is Stan. Stan comes from a really odd family that all have, like, really literal names. It’s really weird. So you have Stan-is-Baracuda, who is awesome, and he’s related to Joe-frees-Baracuda (who apparently frees something else entirely, but no one talks about that) and Rob-Hurts-Baracuda, who died (presumably for his crimes against fish). Stan wants to win because his brother, Rob, won the last game and he thinks this gives him a better chance, or something. He also has this bitch with him, also weirdly named Mel-is-Andre (maybe her parents wanted a boy), who has made him follow the Light Lord - so that he can be more powerful. Mel, like most of the women in the series, needs sex to live, and she can turn semen into shadowy death. I’ve only seen the first two seasons of The Throne Game, but I’ve got high hopes for Stan - even though he just got beat at the King’s Land. I’m sure it will turn out ok. For the night is terrifying and full of darkness.